can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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