is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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