my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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