the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
