i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
