so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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