it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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