Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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