i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
