From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
