if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
