my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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