I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
