My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
