Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
