i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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