i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
