I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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