I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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