Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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