I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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