if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
