Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
