Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
