i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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