well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
