Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
