just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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