Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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