Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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