4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
