so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
