the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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