If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
