So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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