you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
