Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
