chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
