im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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