My friends, they love my intelligence
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
