i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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