we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
