I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
