I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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