You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
