I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
