forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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