Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
