We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
