You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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