Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
