girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
