the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
