how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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