you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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