I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
