I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
