Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
