this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
