Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
