atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
