thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
