Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
