1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
