Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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