North Korea, Best Korea!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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