she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
