the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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