life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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