Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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