guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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