Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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