ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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