He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
