It's Friday. Sex?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
