goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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