i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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