I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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