Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
