Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We left the knife in your bed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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