Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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