You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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