The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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